It’s never about your weight

it's never about your weight

I have been having a lot of conversations lately, with women who are concerned about their weight.  Conversations that go something like this:

My biggest problem is that I have been 15kg overweight for the past two years and I just can’t seem to shift it.  Can you help me?

I’m so excited about getting married, but I’m not setting the date until I lose 8kg. I want to look hot on my wedding day! Can you help me?

Everything in my life is going well.  In fact, my life would be pretty much perfect, if I could just lose this weight.  Can you help me?

Well yes – I think I can help you….but you might not like what I have to say.


I don’t think that your weight is the problem.

It’s never about your weight

I think that it’s the meaning that you are giving to your weight, that is holding you back.

Personal satisfaction, enlightenment and happiness are not dependent on how much you weigh.

That is just another limiting belief – something that we cling to that is not necessarily true.

There is no reason why you need to lose 5, or 30 kg before you set your wedding date.  There is no reason that you can’t go for your dream job, just because you are a little heavier than you would like to be. (In fact, I have had many clients who have found the courage to land the dream job/business, and suddenly found that their weight was no longer a source of struggle).

We displace our real feelings and and problems onto our weight. It has little to do with weight and everything to do with what’s going on in other areas of your life.

I know for myself that when I am feeling optimistic, when I am fully immersed in work and relationships that bring me joy, and when I am making self care a priority – my relationship with food is positive and my body acceptance soars.  When things aren’t going so well and I am finding it difficult to cope?  That’s when chocolate and salty fries suddenly reappear as trusty old friends.

It’s never about your weight.

It’s the meaning that you attach to the number on a scale, that has the potential to keep you down.  Whether you consider yourself to be overweight or not – it comes down to how you FEEL about your weight.

It’s thinking that once you make it to x number of kgs, all of your problems will disappear.  Or that people will notice and like you more. Or that you will then find the confidence to pursue whatever it is that your heart is aching for.

It’s the acceptance that you decide you will only provide yourself with AFTER you have lost some weight – because, only then will you be willing to treat yourself better.

If you want to lose weight, fine. But whatever that magical number is on the scale for you – Remember that it is just a number.

The only meaning that it holds is the one that you are placing on it. It has no other basis in reality.

What are you making your weight mean?  What are you holding yourself back from feeling or wanting?

 PS –   This blog is based on my personal and professional experiences.  Obviously there are a lot of socio-cultural elements involved and I am not addressing the powerful role of media imagery, or the deep seated ideas that we have about weight in western societies.   I felt compelled to share as I know so many women, of all ages, who continue to hate on themselves because of their weight and I think that this is an important conversation starter.



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  1. says

    I’ve been overweight my entire adult life, not just overweight but obese. I decided to take my life and health back by having weight loss surgery, a gastric sleeve. As my weight is coming off I’m becoming more confident, happy and feeling like I can take on the world. One thing my weight loss psychologist stressed the importance to me is that don’t wait until I’m at what I deem a magic number to buy that new dress, wear swimmers etc etc. I think that for some people, like me, it was about the weight. But I’m so thankful that now it’s not.

  2. says

    Everyones journey is different Leanne and I can appreciate that completely. The point your psych. made is similar to what I am saying here – for the women who are holding back on truly living because of a few extra kgs or placing so much emphasis on what the scale tells them.

    Maybe ‘there is no magic number’, would have been a better title?

    PS – Best of success with your journey x

  3. says

    Hi Kirri – interesting that you post this today, as I’ve just posted about my goal to go from ‘yogi to yogini’ (a yogi who feels comfortable in a bikini) – I have put a number on it (10kg), but it is less important than my goal to do teacher training, starting in August. For me it is about overall wellness, and getting motivated for a new phase in my life in which yoga teaching is an integral part of it. And you are right – weight is only a symptom of what else is going on.

  4. says

    Yep, never about the weight but things are harder when the weight goes on ‘as well’ as what you are trying to deal with/ignore/bury/aren’t aware of! lol! A hard subject for a lot of us but some great wisdom from you as always x

  5. beth says

    Great post Kirri. This message is so universal. Getting to the root of what is holding you back from living your best life…love it! xx

  6. says

    I do agree with you theoretically but I’m not sure my mirror does. The problem with me is, I am an exuberant character, and if I get near anything a bit tasty I just sort of tuck in, and wash it down with a few glasses of something cheering. It’s all loads of fun, but can challenge the waistline

  7. says

    Wow, you just held the mirror up on my current thoughts. I am uncomfortable, but oh so happy to look at the reflection of my thoughts. Thank you, time to change the way I think!!

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