The value of creating rituals for your children.
One of my three daughters is a ‘sleeper’. As a newborn, she was the twin who would remain in stasis, while her partner-in-crime warbled and screamed in the adjoining cot.
As a toddler she would take a snooze, moments after the car started to move.
At six years old, she can often be found slipping into Dreamworld, by the time we have finished tucking in her sister and saying our goodnights.
In the past few weeks, we have developed this habit, where I will come into her room in the morning to wake her for school.
Gently kissing her eyelids and her nose, I’ll ask if my beautiful girl is awake and she will slowly emerge from her former state, wrap her arms around my neck and smile ‘Good Morning’.
This one particular day, she seemed to be in such a deep slumber that I thought it would be best to leave her for another 10 minutes.
Moments later, I was stunned when she emerged from the room, sobbing and angry.
She explained to my now muddled self, that she was often awake when I came into her room each morning but that she would lay there, waiting for me to ‘do our special thing’.
The value of creating rituals with your children
We had unwittingly created our own ritual and my daughter had attached a deep sense of meaning to it.
Our morning wake-up held invisible qualities, that she had internalized and come to trust in.
A steadfast follower of daily rituals for myself, I understand the power these small habits have, to nourish on every level.
Bedtime stories, celebratory dinners by candlelight, getting dressed up for Christmas day, daily gratitude prayers, weekend walks in nature; these are all examples of family rituals that provide the opportunity to share, connect and impart meaning.
They leave a soul-felt residue, that lasts for a long time.
To have this reminder from my daughter was one of those moments where I was enveloped by the knowledge that this wild and precious role of parenthood is important, and worth celebrating.
Do you believe in the value of rituals?
What rituals are you creating in your home?
When my youngest started pre-school, we started a hand-kissing tradition to help comfort him when I left. He would give me his open hand and I would kiss each finger in turn, ending with one on his palm. I would then curl his fingers in tight so that he could hold on to my kisses until pick up time. He would repeat the entire procedure with me and happily go on his way.
He’s 8 1/2 now and has no problem heading off to school each morning. But every now and then, when I’m tucking him into bed at night, he asks for his ‘special kisses’ to take with him into dreamland!
Thanks for giving me the chance to remember this ritual!
Tamara recently posted…Fitness professionals: do you feel pressured to maintain ‘the look’?
That’s so beautiful Tamara. Thanks for sharing with us. The significance of these little rituals can seem small at the time, but from my experience you carry them around with you for years and I’m sure your son will remember his ‘special kisses’ when he is a young man!
kirri recently posted…The value of creating rituals for your children.
Oh Kirri, this post gave me goosebumps. It’s soo true, children do love these special moments with mummy and will remember it forever. I really want to create more memories like that with my children. I might even steal the same one you do with your little sleeper.
Penny recently posted…Eight Great ways to Appreciate Snakes
I’m pretty certain that you are already creating special memories and rituals with your kids Penny….plus, you can’t have mine, ok
kirri recently posted…The value of creating rituals for your children.
I often think our culture is a little light on when it comes to traditions and rituals (well, ones appropriate for kids to take part in) there by making it even more important to come up with our own. My kids delight in the special things we do…whether they are an every day thing or a once a year thing…wonderful post x
Thanks Kristin. I agree that it doesn’t have to be every day – some of my favourite memories as a kid revolved around making Leamingtons on holidays or playing ‘I spy’ with the parentals while travelling in the car.
kirri recently posted…The value of creating rituals for your children.
What a beautiful story about your daughter. Yes, definitely. I’m a huge believer in rituals. You’re right, they are so nourishing. Marianne Williamson’s quote reminds me of another quote from Robin Grille – very similar sentiment. And his books talk about the power of ritual too, especially in the area of connecting emotionally with our children.
Deb @ Bright and Precious recently posted…Real Men Wear Skirts
I’m always interested in discovering new books and authors of interest Deb, so will be checking out Robin Grille. Thanks for visiting me today.
kirri recently posted…The value of creating rituals for your children.
awww that’s so cute!! what a wonderful mum you are…. we have rituals around birthdays and Christmas and funny things we say to each other… I am inspired to think up some more though
Sonia @ Natural New Age Mum recently posted…The Great Home-Made Chicken Nugget Competition
Someone could take a recording of the funny things we say in our house and easily conclude that we are all a little bit crazy. But those quirks and nonsense talk is the glue that helps bind us together!
kirri recently posted…The value of creating rituals for your children.
Such a beautiful story Kirri – we have some traditions and rituals, but I think less now than when they were little – must think about it some more. xx
Deb @ Home life simplified recently posted…All suffering and difficulty is valid
Thanks for your kind words Deb. The gold for me in this was a clear reminder to keep communicating with my daughters about their wants, needs and perceptions, rather than continually relying on my own eyes only.
kirri recently posted…The value of creating rituals for your children.
Thats a moving and charming story. Its funny how rituals support us and our children. a nourishing post indeed
That means a lot coming from you, one of my most favourite story tellers x
kirri recently posted…The value of creating rituals for your children.
A heartwarming little story, Kirri! I love those kind of feelings that our children stir up in us. We have a little ritual of going for a lantern walk in the woods at dusk after Thanksgiving dinner. We spend a part of the day painting and carving little pumpkins, squashes or turnips to use for the lanterns and making special rocks (painting or melting crayons) that we bring with us to write on what we are most thankful for that we leave behind somewhere in the trees and come back to throughout the year (it’s really cool to find them again after the snow has melted!) I really like the idea of a little ritual in the morning before the kids go to school…something to develop between now and when that time comes!!
Now THAT is a fabulous ritual Beth. Combining an attitude of gratitude with adventure and love…just beautiful.
kirri recently posted…A get to know yourself mini-guide
Oh, Kirri. This bought tears to my eyes for so many reasons.
It goes to show how it can be so easy for us to miscommunicate with our children and just how much they dependent on us to give them routine.
My boys love to pretend they’re asleep and for me to “wake them up”. They jump out of their blankets and I pretend that I’m surprised. I love it. I don’t know how long the innocence of it all will last so I’m just going to hang on to it for as long as I can.
Damn. I’m still teary as I write this reply. Love you x
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Yes! That was my exact learning from this experience. To be more mindful, that what I’m experiencing might just be completely different from what my children are internalising and to keep checking in with them as they grow. I know we give a lot of ourselves to our kids, but maybe it’s more important to give them more of what they need?
kirri recently posted…The importance of knowing yourself
So sweet and gorgeous! Rituals do indeed create a meaning that goes deep into our soul in a way we cannot put words to. they help us open the heart and commit! What a darling. I create rituals all of the time. But sometimes I get so busy, I put them off. I have to take more care with this!
Jodi @Heal Now and Forever recently posted…Gender Politics: How Do We Talk About It
What a beautiful moment to share with your daughter each morning. We have lots of little rituals, and even different ones for each child – which keeps me on my toes! Sometimes I think nothing of them, but I know they are so meaningful for the kids and building that connection between us.
Debbie @ Aspiring Mum recently posted…The Hidden Part of Me.
What a lovely reminder of how important it is to celebrate…in big and small ways. Rituals and traditions are comforting, aren’t they? When I tuck my girls into bed at night, I dab lavender oil on their wrists and then they give some to their cuddly toys too. It’s what we do before we settle down for a story and finally sleep. Sometimes when I’m in a rush I forget the oil and dive into a story — but the girls are quick to remind me to stop this rushing about nonsense and get with the program! You can’t fight the power of a bedtime ritual…