Life coaches ask a lot of questions. Questions that can be provide a fresh perspective. Questions that can be downright uncomfortable.
I have had clients become quite angry with some of the questions I ask. A few have even quit.
(They usually return and thank me for asking ‘that’ question, but it’s still a human-being moment, for both of us).
Like the time when Lucy talked about how her health was failing due to the stress of running a multi-million dollar company, alone.
Or the client who was let go, from her eight year dream career and insisted that at 34, this was it for her. She should never be able to experience that level of success and personal fulfillment again.
Or me, so caught up in the complacent comfort of a 10 year relationship that I chose to repeatedly gloss over the small gaps in my marriage, until they became fractures.
Some examples of these sticky questions:
How is this situation just perfect for you right now?
How will this crisis transform you?
It doesn’t mean that you have to view crisis as a blessing or believe that you somehow chose to bring this into your life.
It doesn’t mean that you have to ignore the pain that is associated with whatever challenge you are facing.
But, it does help place you firmly back in the seat of conscious creator and caretaker of your one precious life.
And that, can be illuminating.
Because, when we get really quiet and listen – we discover a source of strength and wisdom that we may have previously forgotten to tap into.
When we lose something, or are close to losing something – we are reminded of its value.
And when we are stuck in the deep belly of pain, intent on believing that we can’t possibly sustain this kind of heartache …we are able to catch a glimpse of our essential self, which emanates, a self contained confidence and hope.
This year did not begin for me as I had desired.. My marriage came close (wayyyy too close), to breaking up.
There have been deaths of loved ones, and tragic, life-altering events. It has taken me a moment to look around and understand that hey, I’m definitely not the only one!
But it’s August now and for the first time this year, I feel incredibly alive. There is an openness in my heart and a crystalline vision of good things to come.
I’m reminded that the very act of transformation or growth is often preceded by a fall of some kind.
Pain, grief and tragedy can be gateways to renewed compassion and presence in our lives. And beauty returns – in it’s own time, often when we least expect.
And as my inner knowing recently pointed out to me, when I was trapped in my own swirling sadness, adamant that I couldn’t possibly endure this, and that I didn’t know how I was going to get through it -
You are doing it. You’re doing it right now. See?