How will this crisis transform you?

Untitled design 10 How will this crisis transform you?

Life coaches ask a lot of questions. Questions that can be provide a fresh perspective. Questions that can be downright uncomfortable.

I have had clients become quite angry with some of the questions I ask.  A few have even quit.

(They usually return and thank me for asking ‘that’ question, but it’s still a human-being moment, for both of us).

Like the time when Lucy talked about how her health was failing due to the stress of running a multi-million dollar company, alone.

Or the client who was let go, from her eight year dream career and insisted that at 34, this was it for her. She should never be able to experience that level of success and personal fulfillment again.

Or me, so caught up in the complacent comfort of a 10 year relationship that I chose to repeatedly gloss over the small gaps in my marriage, until they became fractures.

Some examples of these sticky questions:

How is this situation just perfect for you right now?

How will this crisis transform you?

It doesn’t mean that you have to view crisis as a blessing or believe that you somehow chose to bring this into your life.

It doesn’t mean that you have to ignore the pain that is associated with whatever challenge you are facing.

But, it does help place you firmly back in the seat of conscious creator and caretaker of your one precious life.

And that, can be illuminating.

Because, when we get really quiet and listen – we discover a source of strength and wisdom that we may have previously forgotten to tap into.

When we lose something, or are close to losing something – we are reminded of its value.

And when we are stuck in the deep belly of pain, intent on believing that we can’t possibly sustain this kind of heartache …we are able to catch a glimpse of our essential self, which emanates, a self contained confidence and hope.

……………………………………………………………………………….

This year did not begin for me as I had desired..  My marriage came close (wayyyy too close), to breaking up.

There have been deaths of loved ones, and tragic, life-altering events.  It has taken me a moment to look around and understand that hey, I’m definitely not the only one!

But it’s August now and for the first time this year, I feel incredibly alive. There is an openness in my heart and a crystalline vision of good things to come.

I’m reminded that the very act of transformation or growth is often preceded by a fall of some kind.

Pain, grief and tragedy can be gateways to renewed compassion and presence in our lives. And beauty returns – in it’s own time, often when we least expect.

And as my inner knowing recently pointed out to me, when I was trapped in my own swirling sadness, adamant that I couldn’t possibly endure this, and that I didn’t know how I was going to get through it -

You are doing it. You’re doing it right now. See?

Can I stay here forever?

meditate Can I stay here forever?

You know those moments don’t you?

The times where your inner voice is quiet for a few seconds. Where, for once, you are not in your head. You have moved from automatic pilot to sweeping freedom.

The same patch of grass you walk by every day is no longer sullied turf. Chartreuse pricks your senses in time with the pinging sky.

The light is more than atmosphere.  It casts marvellous patterns whilst protecting an abundance of earthy critters and foliage, that would otherwise be burnt up by midday.

You intuit a synchronicity between nature and people in a way, that just yesterday, you had overlooked.

The faces of strangers are alive with familiarity, and a warmth which you appreciatively return.

Your kid grabs your hand, their delicate love seeping into your blood-steam.

You write for 15 mins and an untethered consciousness of surprise pours out; a slither of authenticity, that still falls short of the beautifully crafted truth of your dreams.

The externals fade into the background as you sing, dance, ice a cake, wash the car, or observe the way your daughters lips purse together, in mimic of the grandfather she never got to kiss.

You don’t understand it all – the clarity in those moments.

Other than they are a measure of everything that matters…the dreams, the connectivity, the love, the alchemy of the human spirit.

And, for all the moments of self-doubt – in this moment, you understand that you were born free and deserving of love and self-acceptance.

You know that this is the experience of being wholeheartedly alive and in the flow.

A glimpse of an irrefutable truth that you crave more of.

Today, tomorrow or whenever that moment comes for you ~

Be there.

 

……………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

This is a little ditty I wrote after a powerful meditation session.  Ive been meditating for several years now and while there are many times where I resist and rebel against the discipline, there are also moments where I am offered a glimpse into the power of this practice.

Everyone’s experience is unique, but there can be no doubt of the benefits of meditation, even if it is for the sole purpose of sustained relaxation.

I wanted to invite you to join me for a 21 Day meditate experience ‘Expanding Your Happiness” with Oprak and Deepak.

Beginning 11th August, I’ve taken part in a couple of their programmes now and they are always incredible.

You can register for free right here.

36537AFECECB02374C1B7A4B5318F1EA Can I stay here forever?

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One of the most powerful self care practices in the world

 

Kirri 24 682x1024 One of the most powerful self care practices in the world

I still vividly recall the days when crossing the threshold of my front door coincided with an immediate pull towards the kitchen cupboards and refrigerator.

The familiar signal of an an imminent binge…

I would mentally count the 12 and 1/2 steps between myself and the kitchen, before loading up on whatever food I could find and stealing away to my room.

It was a daily ritual of mind and body anesthesia.  A momentary blanket of soothing nothingness.

Thirty minutes later, I would be bent over the toilet bowl, purging.

This pattern continued for many years until one day when, for whatever reason, I paused and began negotiating.

‘You can still do this if you want Kirri, but stop for a moment and figure out what’s going on here.  Please!’

I paused for a few seconds, before blindly continuing towards the fridge, frightened by the throat choking intensity of feeling.

But something had shifted that day.

I caught a glimpse of the ugly story that I had been telling myself. In time, I was able to extend that 3 second pause to 30 seconds, then minutes, and after a while, it was like a circuit breaker.  One day, I just stopped.

That pause provided another doorway – an invitation to explore my pain.

That was the place where I found some answers. The place where I eventually discovered that my disordered eating was causing far more suffering than the emotions I was attempting to drown out.

That was the place I needed to visit to find my answers. (Maybe you do too?).

This pause – taking a beat, a moment and a breath, has become one of my most powerful self care practices.

An ally that I have learned to call on, in many life situations.

One of the most powerful self care practices in the world.

Here are some examples:

The de-stress pause –  Stop and take three deep, slow breathes for an instant de-stress.  Slowing our breathing helps us on a cellular level. This is incredibly helpful for getting out of your head and back in your body.

The mindfulness pause – use it when you are caught up in the busyness of doing and want to get back to that space of being.

The gratitude pause - Take a moment to reflect on your daily gratitudes and more importantly, to inhabit a space of gratitude.

 The people pleasing pause – For the people pleaser who has a habit of automatically saying YES to everyone. Use your pause to check in with yourself – Do I really want to do this, or am I agreeing out of habit and obligation?

The angry retort pause – When things get heated – take a moment before you respond. Walk away if you need to. (It’s so much better than saying something you know you will regret).

The mamma bear pause – to be used whenever your kids look at you, beseechingly doe eyed and wanting something. (I use this one a lot!).

 

A well intentioned pause provides us with the opportunity to get our thoughts aligned with our actions, to respond more consciously, and to loosen our grip on unhelpful thought patterns.   It’s also a magnificent tool for getting embodied and reconnecting with our kinder, more knowing self.

As always, I’d love to know what you think.  Has this been helpful? Are you a fan of the pause?

36537AFECECB02374C1B7A4B5318F1EA One of the most powerful self care practices in the world

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